Cop Email #4

Well PD family, I am proud. I went on a vehicle accident the other night in which approximately 8 cops were on scene. Of those 8, I saw 4-6 sprouting mustaches (2 were indistinguishable). I could tell that Therese Ruiz wasn’t growing jack squat! You best black ball that girl until she learn to play with the team.
There’s also been a bit of talk, maybe some anger, possibly a boot applied to my mini-van over the FD/PD gargoyle comparison. Yes the firefighter gargoyle does have perfectly sculpted pectoral muscles, bulging traps, resilient biceps, trigger-tight forearms, poignant lats and Spartan abs. But I had nothing to do with that. The artist is an average Joe who used the conditioned slides of his memory’s experience to provide an accurate depiction of reality. Let’s not mess with public perception, it is what it is.
So let’s try and be serious for a sec (“good luck dominic” “Hey, shut up!”). Some need to know info about the event and how to make it more effective, etc.:
· The $ is in the shirts- buy them, give them away, push them among your contacts. Those of you who bought online can claim your shirts at Fire Admin.
· Bring lots of cash to the event. The reality is, there is going to be many desirable items that you will likely buy anyway throughout the year (food, booze, Disney tix, cigars, tools, boots, golf packages, services, etc). Buy it at the fest and it all goes to Suzeth (hey that rhymes).
· Mustaches: We have gathered many police friendly prizes for your mustaches and again, we will reward you handsomely to make fun of your pathetic attempt. I’ve seen some winners out there!
· Stone donates $1 for every Stone (typical) beer BUT they will donate $2 for every “Ashy Stache” that is purchased. Ashy Stache is a Stache-Tober Fest specific beer brewed for the fest. It’s a good beer, you’ll like it. Drain those kegs first.
Other than that, I just wanted to congratulate you all on enduring 3 emails thus far (4 if you count the Carter shorty). I think you only have one left. It’s been a joy working with you folks and I look forward to celebrating Laura and her sweet little dividend with you. Suzeth will be there with her new mom and a few others on the 15th.
Do me a favor and try and play nice with all the firefighters, they have even more fragile egos than you do. “That’s impossible Dominic!” Ok, ok, maybe not quite as delicate but pretty close. Stay safe and stache-on.