What’s up party people?! It’s August, suck! Summer went by way too quick! We’re a little less than 2 months away from StachetoberFest, Oct 3 rd . The grow date for your glorious mustaches is fast approaching, August 18th .
For the newbies: StachetoberFest is a huge party at Stone Brewery attended by firefighters and first responders. All real men show up with a mustache, and the rest buy beer for the real men with mustaches. There is a contest in which most folks shave their face and grow the best stache they can in 6 weeks and then they are judged by subject matter experts (drunk female volunteers). I will make fun of you and prizes are awarded, some of the best prizes being reserved for the worst mustaches (you deserve it). We drink a competitive amount of beer (it’s for charity)! And we
As for now, save the date, Oct 3 rd , 5pm-close, Stone Brewery, Escondido. Start your stache on August 18 th , or bring your existing stache (less prizes). No need to register this year, we’re going off the honor system (If you lie at a charity mustache competition, I’m pretty sure you go straight to hell, not worth it).
They’ll be food, a stache-beer brewed just for the event, raffle, silent auction, and a department roast. All are welcome…just no douche bags. If you’re not sure, ask your friends, “Bro, am I a douche bag?” if they say “yes,” you can’t come, sorry. Just google “Gavin Newsom, campaign for democracy,” you’re welcome at any of those events.
The theme this year is Irish.
Irish? What does that mean? Who’s applicable? Well, if you use bronze-colored sunscreen, you’re a ginger, or have a Celtic tramp stramp, this is your year! I know, finally, right?! No one celebrates the really, really, really, really, really, really, white people anymore. We don’t discriminate here at StachetoberFest. We support all colors…aaand those without any color at all…just freckles.
People feel sorry for gingers, it’s built into our culture. Look at the original Annie movie (“Orphan Annie” written in 1885 and appeared on screen in 1985). Read the following script as if you’re auditioning for a 1920’s gangster movie, “look here seee.”
I can picture the Hollywood directors, “Alright folks, how do we express a character who exemplifies true deprivation?”
“Well,” says the seasoned screen writing administrator, “We could use a refugee, an ex-slave, or a woman.” (Slavery abolished in 1865 and Women started voting in 1920).
All the men in their suitcoats, smoking their pipes indoors, consider the option, “Hmmmmmm, a refugee, a slave, or a woman? Cunning.”
Then the new guy, with a crazy light in his eyes, stands up and says, “We could make her a ginger!!”
Everyone stands and applauds!
The director exclaims, “Nothing communicates societal deprivation like a ginger! Good job Michael!” (Michael, the new guy, is a brunette, but he grew up next to the O’Brien’s. Strong Catholic/Irish family with 11 ginger children).
To all you Murphys, O’Malleys, Brennans, Walsh’s, O’Connors, McCarthys, Gallaghers, Fitzpatricks, Flanagans, and O’Neills: Wear your kilt, or your daughter’s skirt from private school (same thing, right?), bring your brogue, pot of gold, and drink to your little Irish heart’s content…which is a lot. This is your year to shine…which you’re used to. The color white seems to pop whenever it’s surrounded by darker colors… which in your case, is everywhere you go.
To the rest of you normal colored folks, if you see a ginger at the Fest, buy ‘em a beer, it’s a hard knock life!
FYI: Apparel will be available shortly. More to follow soon!
dom